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Straight from the Heart of your Farmer.

Pregnancy after loss is no joke. 
It is stressful, heartbreaking and joyous all at once, if that doesn't sound confusing to you I don't know what to tell you. 
Yes, this is my second pregnancy after losing Willa but that doesn't make it any easier. 
For those of you who don't know or are new here our second daughter Willa passed away in the womb the week she was due, with no conclusive evidence as to why?

For those of us whom live in small rural towns the choices of hospitals and delivery doctors are pretty slim. With that being said we delivered Hayes and will be delivering this baby at the same hospital where Willa was assumed deceased. After losing a child in such a traumatic way it makes each appointment and milestone that was so joyous throughout my previous pregnancy journeys with Oakley and Willa a legit nightmare. Feelings of post traumatic stress, anxiety and fear creep into my longing mama heart and take every ounce of joy out of the event, which then turns into relief after everything looks okay. I feel happiness regarding pregnancy is something that has been stolen from me throughout the entire 40 weeks and is a feeling that can only be endured once my babies are in my arms. Lets just say pregnancy isn't my jam anymore but raising good humans is and my tiny beings make it so incredibly worth it. 

This pregnancy has also had a lot of added stress as I have to do many of these appointments unsupported due to Covid regulations. Lets just say my motto is "COVID -19 stealing family moments and milestones since 2020." I am just incredibly thankful that everything has looked fantastic thus far and I haven't needed the extra support. 

This past Monday, I had my second ultra-sound of this pregnancy. 
I endured the routine questions of "how many children do you have?" Four. "Holy you are busy, how old are your kids?." Oakley is 4, Willa would have been 3 but she died and Hayes is 2. Every single time, over and over again- to every new nurse, tech, doctor, support staff, it gets old- but I tell the truth because people in the field need to learn how to appropriately respond. 

The moral of this backstory is: that we are incredibly busy, as most farming families are, raising food for not only our own families but the families of our consumers. We take great pride in raising incredible products and tending to our animals in ways that provide them with lives filled with respect and dignity. We believe that a huge part of this comes from transparency and that stems from honesty and openness from your farmers. As a part of our community we share not to make you feel bad for us but to connect you with us, your farmers on a more personal level. We as humans often have no idea what is going on in the lives of others and if anything take this as a gentle reminder to be kind. 

I know many of you are eagerly awaiting the news of our baby and I am here to tell you, that we are incredibly excited and somewhat anxious to announce that we will be welcoming a baby GIRL onto the Backwoods Ranch in the fall of this year. As much as we know that this baby will never replace our Willa Hain, it will be liberating to dust off the unopened boxes of baby girl items left unworn for three years and breathe new life into our hearts once again.  

Life is a wonderful, curious thing with lessons yet to be learned lurking around every corner. 

This is us, this is Backwoods. 



7 comments

  • My heart! Thank you for sharing this. So happy for all of you! And can’t wait to see your beautiful girl💗.

    Corinne
  • How courageous you are! I just want to encourage you and know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers until your baby is safely delivered. There is no heartbreak like losing a child, but fortunately there is always lots of love still left to lavish on a new arrival.
    I don’t know how you do everything that you do. I love your meat and eggs and please know how much your hard work is appreciated. I enormously respect your family’s stewardship of the land and your animals. Wishing you strength and every blessing.

    Louise Fairley

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