Tag: pain
Sisters.
Posted on August 31, 2018 by Laurie Trigg
Thump, Thump, Thump. The beating of a heart on a doppler that you only hope… belongs to your baby and not to you. Thump, thump, thump. “I’m sorry we still couldn’t find anything.” ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) A ringing in your ears like you’ve never heard before….
Feeling Sociable?
Scenes from my chair.
Reading books with all 3 of my babies.
One growing inside me, one on my knee + one in a tiny little box, on a tiny little shelf beside me. 👧🏻🌎👼🏼☁️🤰🏻🌈 I live for these moments.
On another note, this is an incredibly beautiful book.
#literature #books #read #homeschool #bison #ranch #bisonranch #wwoof #wwoofcanada #buffalo #infantloss #pal #bereaved #home #mybabies #angelbaby #earthbaby #rainbowbaby
Want to know how to potentially lose your sanity in 2019. -Invest in a milk cow that needs to be milked 2 a day.
-Get a bottle calf that needs to be fed multiple times a day before said milk cow starts milking. -Make and care for your own Kombucha. -Buy more seeds for your garden than you ever have. -Raise 18 feeder pigs at once. -Buy incubator to hatch all your own chicks. -Welcome a new tiny human to the ranch. -Invest in broiler chickens. -Build + plant a greenhouse.
-Start sourdough starter at 11pm that you will need to tend to for the rest of your life.
Is it crazy- yeah, crazy worth it.
#thisisusthisisbackwoods #homesteaders #raiseyourown #grassroots #homestead #alberta #canada #family #selfsufficient #food
My Christmas Cacti 🌵 is confused again.
Also Chad just counted all of my house plants + apparently I have 35 but whose counting.
#plants #houseplants #living #purification #air #cacti #photo
Sauerkraut making day on the BWB.
#fermentation #diy #natural #handmade #homecooked #ferment #guthealth #wellness #wellnesswarrior #healthy #antioxidants #probiotics #nutrients #nutrientdense #yum #delicious #cook
Today was rough.
I woke early, only to realize I couldn’t remember the last time my baby had moved.
The same thing happened to me with Willa but it didn’t register at the time because she liked naps.
When the doctor had asked me if I felt her move I had quickly replied “yes” then thought about it later... the only time she moved was when I pushed on my belly... she moved away from my pressure as if floating in mid air, she hadn’t moved-I moved her.
This morning this felt the same, my baby wasn’t moving- just floated away from my pressure... I panicked.
My anxiety went through the roof and I started to cry, “why me?” Are the words I texted Chad.
I had just turned 29 weeks this morning.
I found myself in a state of chaos, I couldn’t find anything I needed, I yelled in Oakleys face, I threw the cat out the door, I pushed the dog to the side and out of my way- I was in a state of craze in which I feel absolute remorse over now.
I was supposed to work today but I knew I needed to see if my child was still alive.
I dropped Oakley at day home and my bestie and I traipsed to the hospital.
The hospital is a place I hate- so many bad memories are relived with each telling of my story, the pity on people’s faces is enough to make you want to barf and the question “what happened with your last pregnancy?” Is enough to make you want to throat punch someone- I don’t know what happened, no one knows, my daughter died.
With tears streaming down my face I once again told my story and just wanted to get this over with- your mind always goes to the worst place after losing a child... I was optimistic that they would find Willa’s heartbeat when I went from the clinic to the hospital- but there was nothing, so why should there be a happy ending this time?
My anxiety, heart rate and utter rage were all through the roof, I wanted to scream.
Then there it was 148 bpm on the Doppler, I cried harder.
My baby was still alive + not only alive but started to fiercely move with the touch of the Doppler.
Pregnancy after loss is not enjoyable, it’s a stress ridden, anxiety rising, fear based hell hole that you just want to dig yourself out of.
#pal #infantloss #rainbowbaby
Today we say goodbye to our friends Matt + Anna ✨
We wish you all the best on your travels throughout the rest of Alberta + BC and the safest time in Japan before you head home to Germany where new opportunities and endeavours await you.
We will miss you both so much, thank you for all you did for our family + our ranch throughout the duration of your stay at Backwoods.
As we left the driveway today I told Oaks that you were going back to your home now and she softly said “see you soon Matt, see you soon Anna.” With love to you both,
Forever and always,
Backwoods
#wwoof
#wwoofcanada #travel #travelalberta #canada #ranch #farm #livestock #bisonranch #bison #friends #germany @newzealanna @juliuscorvinus
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