You’ve been up all night.
Your toddler is yet to catch onto the new routine.
NEW ROUTINE? What… throw your hands up in the air.
Thrown out the window, WHAT EVEN IS SLEEP?
There is NOW a living sibling. A literal viable, living, breathing baby brother.
You are staring at the dishes in the sink that still haven’t managed to get done and laundry mountain has somehow made its way into the kitchen.
The “restaurant” said toddler has made on the floor and the couch and the freaking bathroom floor has spread from one room to another.
Ten thousand plates, bowls, cups, and literal spoons filled with this mornings smoothie and last weeks coconut chunks that have been hiding in the play kitchen ARE EVERY FREAKING WHERE.
“I have a vacuum, get the vacuum…where IS THE FREAKING VACUUM.”
The baby is crying. Does he want the boob again? NOPE, Does he need a diaper? NOPE. Does he want to lay on his belly? NOPE.
He just wants to lay on the boobs while they are doing nothing and smirk because he loves the boobs.
Okay, so now we have another boob man.
“Am I only good for my boobs? I am going to bring this up with your Dad later.”
When was the last time I showered?… Ugh lets not talk about my leg hair… “People go all natural now, you’re good girl, YOU’RE GOOD.
“This is great I have two living children. “My kids are the cutest, look at them laying on the floor, OMG, I’M DYING they are so sweet.”
Next minute: “Don’t kick your brother, NO he cannot eat that dirty feather, OH’ life’s not fair because I don’t want you to put that bone in your brothers mouth? He doesn’t even eat food yet… No he only eats the BOOB! Now you’re crying… Okay what would you like? No! We don’t have any chocolate milk. Water. Okay I’ll get you water… “Oh now you want juice.”
And a snack.
And another blanket.
And Daddy not to go to work.
And Brother to sleep somewhere else.
And your blanket is scratchy.
And you want your pony tails out.
And you don’t like the sound of the rain.
And you want your horse in the house.
And you want a second dinner.
And your babydoll needs a hat and mitts.
And you would rather sleep on the floor.
You want a different fucking episode of PAW PATROL, because this one has cows and they scare you.
And all I can say is: I am exhausted, motherhood and parenting in general is hard and:
“Paw Patrol, Paw Patrol, will be there on the double.
When ever there’s a problem, ’round Aventure Bay, Ryder and his team of pups will come and save the day.
Marshall, Rubble, Chase, Rocky, Zuma, Skye, Yeah!
they are on the way!
Paw patrol, Paw patrol, when ever you’re in trouble.
“I fucking love you and we will do it all again tomorrow.”