After experiencing a great loss everything in life changes.
We know this, the people close to us know this and everyone else who has experienced loss knows it.
It is probably the hardest thing to ever explain to someone who hasn’t suffered a tragedy and god forbid they ever will, but it’s kind of like; you are living in slow motion and fast forward at the same time, like your running backwards and forwards at once or like you are living in both darkness and high-definition.
The one thing I have noticed really change about myself in the last month is my heightened sense of awareness for my surrounding environment. I have always had an appreciation for the world around me but now I feel as though everything is that much more vivid.
I notice broken leaves on my plants, new feathers on my chickens, the beautiful hues of my eggs, how my baby girls skin smells, the hum of our river flowing, the softness of my husbands hands, the sound of the wind blowing through our trees, the warmth of the sun on my skin, the sadness in people’s eyes when they look at me and each new grey hair and wrinkle on my face.
Grief is unexplainable and overwhelming but regardless if it takes you a week, month, year or the rest of your life to process, life goes on. The pain will never fully go away and we won’t stop thinking about our loss for a single day but the sting will lessen and eventually it will hurt a little less. I share my thoughts, feelings memories and dreams because when the shock and rawness of the initial tragedy wears off everyone else moves on with their lives. As a mother your biggest fear becomes others forgetting your loved ones and the pain and heartache you are still experiencing each and everyday.
We are living for Willa Hain it’s just different from how it was supposed to be. We are living an overwhelmingly, fast, slow, forwards, backwards, beautiful, scary, life in high-definition.