When are you having kids?

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I have been contemplating writing this for a while…

Chad and I have been married for over two years now.
2 whole years of growth, change, hardships & laughter.
Chad&Laurie289Since our wedding day, August 10, 2013…we have been bombarded with questions about “when we’ll have kids?”

“Are you ever going to have kids?” “Our kids need a friend.” “Are you guys even trying?” “Why are you waiting?” “We’re having another baby, now it’s your turn.”  “Not having a drink…You’re pregnant!”

On behalf of us and many other childless (married) people…
How about… in the nicest way possible…STOOOOOP.
JUST STOP.

When you asked the first ten times… it may have been cute or even endearing…but now it’s awkward and makes me want to rip my hair out.

There are a bajillion reasons why people choose to have kids right away & a bajillion more reasons why people WAIT to have kids…and frankly it’s not a competition, nor anyone’s business but our own.

For us it will happen when it happens.
When the time is right.

We wanted to:
-Be married.
-Own our own farm.
-Have good jobs.
-& JUST BE MARRIED.

Wanting to get to know your partner before rushing into having children is OKAY.

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I feel as though before the next time the words “when are you having kids?” is about to leave your lips…you should consider…economic issues,financial issues, health issues, relationship issues, the fact that maybe the couple isn’t ready or doesn’t even want kids!

You should also consider the fact that maybe “these” people have been pregnant and lost… and now every time you ask those words, you may as well be ripping their hair out for them.

Those little words hurt… they hurt to people who have been “trying.”

Sincerely, Your “Childless” Friend.

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26 thoughts on “When are you having kids?

  1. Great post! As a woman who got pregnant with her first at 21 (and not planned), I’ve never had to deal with this question. I can certainly see how it would be annoying, and even sometimes hurtful! Enjoying alone time with your husband is SO wonderful! Once you have kids, you really don’t have alone time until the kids are older.While I absolutely do not regret having my daughter so young, sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if we gave ourselves time to just “be married” and travel a little bit. Take your sweet time and enjoy your husband!

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    1. I also find that I have friends with one child and the question goes from- “when are you having kids?” to “when are you having another kid?” Annoying to say the least whichever way it is put! I think children are a blessing no matter when or how they come into this world. ❤ Thanks for reading. 🙂

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  2. I thought I was already following your blog and I guess I wasn’t – whoops! Anyways, we waited almost 6 years after getting married to start a family. Granted, we got married young, but I will NEVER regret all the time we have had to ourselves and waiting until I was truly ready – it’s overwhelming enough as it is no need to rush it! And I also hated when people asked, what if we had been trying and not successful/lost one?! People can be so insensitive!

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  3. Hot topic & I love hot topics !! For those who read/beleive the bible one of the first messages was to be fruitful & multiply ! As a senior I have the luxury of hind sight & I’am happy to say that my real wealth is my children , grandchildren & great grandchildren ! They are a REAL treasure even tho I don’t get to spend a lot of time with them . As far as I’am concerned having children is THE greatest , most interesting , most challenging & most rewarding privelage in life‼️ As far as being ready, I don’t believe one is ever truly ready . I wld. do things much different now but that can be said of most things – right !? Those who are waiting are missing out – believe me ! So much can be said on this subject – a chat line wld. be good ! There were 9 children in my immediate family , 5 left & we are getting together soon . I thank our mom & dad ( up there ) for bringing us all into the world . For the tough times , the good times , for all that brings a family together !!
    I cld. go on & on but for those who are waiting , you may see things a lot differenty when you get to my age ! Thank you 😊

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi Laurie – why is it so difficult to get bison meat ? I can’t afford it on a regular basis but like it once in awhile but find it hard to get it ! I know there are quite a number of farmers raising bison so where is the market ?
        Thank goodness your parents brought you into the world & I’am sure your husband wld. agree !! 😄

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      2. Hi Larry,

        I know in our area there are a few farmers raising Bison. I find that in our area buying directly from a farmer is the best bet so you can guarantee where your meat is coming from. I also find that by chance you do find it at a local grocery or butcher it is much more expensive than buying it direct from your local farmer. Where have you purchased in the past?

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      3. Thank you Laurie ! Have been able to get it at CO-OP or Sobeys but frozen .Why do you suppose it’s not more popular / available ??

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      4. Most likely because even with the prices of beef, bison meat is still more expensive & people are not completely aware of all the benefits that bison offers, therefore would rather pay the lower price of buying beef.

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  4. This is such an excellent post, and very well said. It’s so weird how people think that’s an okay questions to ask, repeatedly, to a young couple. I’ve been married a LONG time, but my hubs and I waited 11 years, for numerous reasons and because of certain life circumstance, before we had kids. I can’t even count the number of times we were asked that question. The funny thing is, after my first child turned a year old, people started asking when we were having another one. People will be people, I guess, but hopefully articles like yours will help raise understanding that sometimes it’s better to just shut up. Thanks so much!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Back in my parents’ and grandparents’ generations, people used to count nine months from the wedding date and start demanding ‘where/when are you having a kid?”

    If the kid came sooner than nine months, you know what that means—my mother was born 8 months after her parents were married and she totally bought the concept that she was a “month premature and should have been born around Christmas” until she was in her 30s.

    I was born eight years after my parent’s marriage. Imagine how many times MY mother was asked that question (and yes, she did have two pregnancy losses in that time period.”

    People better not start asking me anytime soon… too much needs to be done as a couple!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I have a friend in the same situation and I’ve learned to stop asking that question. Everyone’s situation is different and you need to respect their reason for not having kids. Thanks for sharing this post!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. So true. We were married four years before we had our first child and that was like an eternity for some people! We got asked that question ALL the time. My kids are now preteens and I still get asked “when are you going to have more?!” Maybe it’s a way for people to make conversation, but they really should try to be considerate of the couple’s situation.

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  8. This sure is a sensitive topic. You are right the person asking doesn’t know all the reasons behind why you don’t have kids. Some may ask out of mere intrusive curiosity, but most you will find ask because they love you have have a perspective born of experience that has made them concerned. Either way I am sure we could all be a bit more sensitive and understanding with each other.

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